Welcome to Christmas

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The Crackers launch an interstellar Christmas mission that rockets through glitter and pure festive delight straight from the North Pole.

Welcome to Christmas

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NEW

Welcome to Christmas

  1. Welcome to Christmas
  2. Coquine
  3. Television Holiday Movie
  4. Don’t Fuck with Christmas
  5. Jingle Bell Boss
  6. Mrs. Claus
  7. Cookies
  8. Don’t Cry, It’s Christmas
  9. Santa’s In The Club

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Christmas Crackers Get Christmassy

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Get Christmassy

  1. So Christmas
  2. Broke Ass Christmas
  3. G.A.Y.X.M.A.S.
  4. Christmas in Las Vegas
  5. Get Christmassy with Me
  6. Christmas in July
  7. Don't Break My Heart
  8. Sexy Christmas Song
  9. Merry Christmas Britney
  10. Bright Like Christmas

LISTEN

Want to listen before you buy, or too cheap to spare a few bucks for starving artists? Listen for free!

Listen on Amazon Music

Listen on Spotify

Listen on Bandcamp

WATCH

Our latest video “Welcome to Christmas” is sure to get you horny for Planet Christmas!

NEW

Welcome to Christmas

Directed by John Thompson

Watch all the videos on YouTube

TOUR

Come see us live! It's even better than sitting on Santa's lap.

NOVEMBER 27, 2026

Black Friday Spectacular with Christmas Crackers

Alberta Street Pub • Portland, Oregon

$10 • 21+

PAST SHOWS

JULY 25, 2026

Christmas Crackers in July

Alberta Street Pub • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 22, 2025

The Intergalactic-ish Tour

Dante’s • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 16, 2025

The Intergalactic-ish Tour

Alberta Street Pub • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 5–7, 2025

John-Ryan’s XMAS Spectacular 2025

Chapel Theatre • Milwaukie, Oregon

DECEMBER 23, 2024

Karaoke from Hell with Special Guest Christmas Crackers

Dante’s • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 12–15, 2024

John-Ryan’s XMAS Spectacular 2024

Chapel Theatre • Milwaukie, Oregon

DECEMBER 6, 2024

Merry Gothmas

The Fixin’ To • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 7–10, 2023

John-Ryan’s XMAS Spectacular 2023

Chapel Theatre • Milwaukie, Oregon

JULY 21–23, 2023

John-Ryan’s XMAS IN JULY Spectacular

Chapel Theatre • Milwaukie, Oregon

DECEMBER 5, 2022

Karaoke from Hell with Special Guest Christmas Crackers

Dante’s • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 2–4, 2022

John-Ryan’s XMAS Spectacular 2022

Chapel Theatre • Milwaukie, Oregon

DECEMBER 21, 2021

Karaoke from Hell with Special Guest Christmas Crackers

Dante’s • Portland, Oregon

DECEMBER 3–5, 2021

John-Ryan’s XMAS Spectacular 2021

Chapel Theatre • Milwaukie, Oregon

CONTACT

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